Innocent
by InnerShadow
Summary: It's a funny thing, the day your innocence is taken away. You realize that the world, and those in it, is not how you thought it was. And it never will be again.


_A/N: Wow, this is my first post in a while. Please feel free to give me tips, as, to be honest, I've never read Another Note. I just sympathized with the idea of Beyond. He (and A) is destroyed by L, even if it's not direct. So I just took his voice, stuck to the bare facts, and told his story._

It's a funny thing, the moment your innocence is taken away. The moment you realize that the world is not all sunshine and candy, but is really a dark place teeming with shadow and discontent.

I realized this the day my best friend hung himself.

The numbers above his head had been so long, so promising. I had harbored foolish hopes that one day we might work together, surpass even the great L. But the day A hung himself changed all that.

He's all I think about now, in the endless darkness.

A was one of those people who could pull a smile out of me, even on my worst day. He himself was the golden boy, the obvious choice. He may not have been as smart as me, but he was certainly better with people. He could predict anyone's next move.

I miss my best friend.

He was all I had, the only one who knew what it was like to be completely alone in the world, alienated and ignored. It was worse for me, of course, with my red tinted eyes and hair the color of 'days old blood'. Plus, A didn't see things the way I did, didn't see people's name and lifespan the way I did. There was one flaw in my vision, of course.

I cannot see suicides.

A had told me of his overwhelming despair, the sadness eating him inside out. But I, in my foolish ignorance, brushed him off. I tried to make myself more like L, growing my hair and crouching all the time. I was too focused on getting his attention to notice A's calls for my own notice.

I followed his example, ending a life to finally be heard.

After his death, I left Whammy's. The backup replacement, a mere child named Near, would have to do. I had to do more important things. I had to find L, _be _L, not only for me but for A. I would have to surpass him on my own.

I wonder how Near, and the two others, Matt and Mello, are doing.

Becoming L is the most daunting task one can undertake. I did it by living as L. I introduced myself as L, crouched instead of sat, never slept, and lived off very little but strawberry jam. I did everything I could to find him, to prove myself. I solved cases, made the papers, followed leads into the middle of nowhere. Soon, Beyond birthday was all but gone, evident only in my eyes and the back of my mind.

Then, one day, I gave up.

I was never going to find him. So, the next logical, L-like thing to do would be to make him come to me. I took up permanent residence in the city of Las Angeles, finally resolving to stay in one place and work on the ultimate goal: surpassing L. I would call him to me with my excellent reputation, with the cases I would solve and the justice I would deliver.

Of course, nothing ever works out the way it's planned.

Soon enough, I grew frustrated. I began to realize that, just like my days at Whammy's, L could care less. Even though he was younger than I by a year or two, I worshipped him. I wanted to be noticed. That's when it began.

I looked for a person who's numbers were up.

Then, after sending Misora on a false trail, I would go and make L notice me. He took the bait on the first try. I think he knew it was me all along. I did, after all, leave a myriad of clues. No evidence – no, I was meticulous about that – but clues. I was L gone bad. I was Beyond Birthday, the way he was always meant to be.

I was better.

I'm sure you're shaking your head now, whoever you are. I got caught, true, but I like to think it was only by luck. I like to think I gave L the case of his life, a case both personal and brutal, and, more importantly, _his fault_. Now he could feel some of what I felt, some of what had wracked A with such force. The feeling of a great chasm, yawning and deep, separating you from the person you once were.

I miss A.

He's all I think about. Have I already said that? I don't know. I don't know many things now, here in the darkness. I am so alone. It's so quiet, being here alone with my thoughts. I am Beyond Birthday again, constantly fighting to keep L out of my head. A lost that fight. I gave in. look where it got us.

I wish L would come.

Truth be told, I still worship him. I love him dearly – though not as much as A, never as much as A – and I want him to come. Even if it was to mock me. I think he knows this, and he stays away for just that reason. Oh well, I suppose it doesn't matter. I'm sure Kira will 'eliminate' me. Now there's a psychotic killer for you.

I hope L beats him.

For me, for A. For Matt and Mello and Near. All of us destroyed by L. I hope, for that reason, that L wins in the end. That he saves those last three from madness. I hope he keeps them innocent.

_A/N: Reviews are love._


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